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Lifestyle

Anxiety Health

Suffering From Misophonia Is Real

by Melissa December 2, 2018

It started years ago when I had a “real job” as a Human Resource Director in the healthcare industry and one of my co-workers had a really bad habit…

Click!

Herb, stop clicking your pen… PLEASE!

Click!

Herb, you’re driving me crazy, please stop clicking your pen!

And on, and on, and on!

See, he thought it was funny because frankly, I think that he though I was just being an ass. In reality though, I literally could not concentrate when all I could hear was CLICK!

At the time, I too thought that maybe I was just being an ass hole. I mean, I was not the only other person who could hear it, but for some reason, I was the only person asking him to STOP.

The only way to summarize it is to say that I wanted to stab Herb’s eyeballs out with the pen. This was just one of the many things that put me in overdrive.

Anxiety Triggers

Other triggers include:

— When someone sitting near me is bouncing their leg. I don’t know how else to describe it. I consider it a nervous reaction when someone is not comfortable with their environment or current situation, but all I want to do is put a ton of bricks on their knee to hold their leg down.

— A continuous beeping noise. A great example is the television when the emergency broadcast system does a test. Make it stop already!

— My husbands breathing when he sleeps. I am not joking when I say that I have actually considered sleeping in a separate room. Add this to my health anxiety and it’s all I can do to stop myself from holding his nose (you know I mean this only so he’ll breathe through his mouth, right?).

I could go on and on with different things that make me want to bang my head against the wall (or someone else’s).

I later learned after reading an article that it is a condition known as Misophonia.

I know what you’re thinking, “I hate some of those things too but I don’t have Misophonia”. There are many things that people dislike to an extent, but they are able to easily dismiss them. Me on the other hand, it’s like sending me through the gates of Hell. To top it off, it really messes with my already out of control anxiety!

I seriously cannot drown them out. I lose any concentration that I may have had (which at best was very little), and all I can focus on is the sound of the pen, the beeping, or the shaking of the floor as someone bounces their leg.

Just recently, my husband and I went to our cabin for a couple of days, which most of the time I truly enjoy. This trip however was quite different. I mentioned in a previous post about my Dad being newly diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, so this aggravated my anxiety to an extreme.

I thought that getting away to our quite place in the country would calm my nerves. Boy was I wrong.

First, my husband has an infinite number of alarm clocks in the cabin (he is an avid hunter, so he has to make sure that he gets up, and what better way to make sure of that than to have 100 alarm clocks in the event that 99 of them quit working). I’m exaggerating of course, but I woke up in the middle of the night to the TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK…

I honestly thought about going and sleeping in the car. It was absolutely miserable!

I have never been officially diagnosed, but I am confident that my self-diagnosis is right on target!

The unfortunate thing is that there is no cure for Misophonia, so I just try to find coping mechanisms which is nearly impossible without wearing ear plugs 24/7.

If you have Misophonia triggers that make you feel like putting yourself in a bubble and praying that it never pops, I’d love to hear your story!

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I Renovated My Home Office… Well, My Blogging Room

by Melissa December 1, 2018

home office renovation ideas Being a blogger, more specifically a full time blogger like me, where I work (ok, blog) is just as important as if I were going to the office. I mean let’s face it, it’s difficult to concentrate buried under a mound of clutter, particularly when that clutter is in a dark dungeon. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but that’s how I felt about my home office before the renovation. Go ahead, take a look at the picture, it’s real!

It was dark (my husband chose the paint color years ago), it had Berber carpet (he chose that too) which I actually hate more than the color of the paint if that’s even possible , and it was C L U T T E R E D!

Unfortunately, I took this picture after removing much of the clutter, but you can still get a good idea of the poor conditions I was working in!

So, I Had to Make a Change – and Fast!

The first step was choosing a paint color, but good Lord how could I choose a modern paint color with that horrific carpet that he forced me to have installed a century ago – it was so ugly! I complained about it for a couple of days, and then…

To my surprise, he said, and I quote:

Babe, just go pick out some new carpet and we’ll have it installed.

I was over-the-moon, but there was one little problem; I didn’t want new carpet. I wanted a new floor! He loves me, he loves me not. Well, he loves me because he agreed that we could get the bamboo flooring that I had already been researching (shhh, don’t tell). He has a friend who lays flooring for a living, so the biggest expense was the flooring itself.

I chose a gray bamboo floor, and before he could change his mind, I went and purchased as many bundles as I needed to cover the area. I checked with our floor guy first to make sure that I had measured and calculated properly, and would you believe that I did it right? Maybe I should become a floor guy. Nah, I’ll stick to blogging.

Finally, I Could Pick Out My Paint Color

I went to Home Depot and chose several swatches (do they still call them that?) so that I could bring them home and get everyone’s opinion. I was going to try and keep this decision from my husband, I mean after all, look what I ended up with last time he tried to help me redecorate. To my surprise, he and my daughter both loved the color I chose, so there, everyone’s happy (my 20 year old son could really care less).

I chose a light gray (I think it was called metal white or something like that), and I had this vision of orange statement pieces to add some color, I just had no idea what that looked like yet.

Wait, Now I Need New Furniture

What you can’t see in the photo above are the sitting chairs that I had. Granted they were modern, and very cute, they were too dark for the room. Maybe had the walls been a very light taupe I could have kept them, but really it was just a good excuse to get new ones!

I also had too much furniture which did not help with the cluttered look. My glass desk had an attached piece that made it like an L shape, which was practical, just not for my small space. I decided to remove the attached piece of my desk and also the glass bookshelf (it’s sole purpose was collecting dust and “stuff” that couldn’t find a home).

I was officially on my way to a brighter workspace, and new furniture as an added bonus (my husband just didn’t know about that part yet).

I decided on these cute orange sitting chairs, and I found them online here. They’re not IKEA, but hey, I’m on a bloggers budget.

Hold On, the Desk That I Removed Was Home to the Monitor for Our Security Cameras, Now What?

So, the desk was too large for the room, after all, the whole idea of the remodel was to have a cleaner, more updated workspace. Now I have nowhere to put the TV monitor. I didn’t want to move it to another room due to the fact that I am home alone all day, and believe it or not, us bloggers do spend A LOT of time at our computers. I rely on the TV monitor when someone knocks on the door, or just in general so I know what is going on outside of my little world.

Problem solved… I found a cute console table that would look perfect in my new office, and that is where I put the TV monitor. I also bought some cute boxes, paper trays and binders from The Container Store so I could hide all my junk, and I put those on the bottom shelf of my new table!

Lights, Camera, Wait, We Need a New Light?

Believe it or not, I was pretty happy with the light that I had in my office, but my husband insisted we go shopping for a new one. Wait, did I just say that I was happy with something old staying in my brand new bloggers cave? You’re right, I must have been feeling guilty about the new floor.

We shopped and shopped for a new ceiling light, and when I found the one I wanted, it was one of those times where you just knew. You knew that there would not be another light on the face of this earth that would look better hanging from the ceiling right above my head. I mean after all, how often am I looking up while writing all of these blog posts unless I am having a meltdown about what to write about next? I think I just found my new blog post. Yeah, I’ll write about the daily meltdowns I have trying to please all of my readers so they don’t go running for the hills.

I Was Finished, Or Was I?

Once the walls were painted, the floor was laid (I even got new trim (I think it’s called trim?) on the baseboards), the light was hung (hung, hanged, who cares?), the chairs and console table were assembled, the junk was stuffed in the new light gray boxes, but something was missing.

I’m a blogger, so I have to have a white faux fur rug, right?

Isn’t that a requirement for posting pictures on social media? I’m sure it is, but all I know is that I wanted one. I couldn’t stop there because then I thought how cute it would look if I bought a faux fur table runner for the top of my desk so my computer monitor has a soft cozy resting place.

I’m Finally Satisfied… Well, Almost!

I had two problems remaining:

The first one, which is a HUGE problem when you’re a blogger, was the amount of cords. I have so many cords that my blogger’s den is a fire hazard. From the Blue Yeti microphone cords (you know, for all of those Podcasts I do – yawn) to the speakers, mouse (yes, I still had a cord attached to my mouse), monitor, cable box, oh my lord I am getting stressed out just thinking about it.

So, I went in search for a computer cable organizer. Something that would hide my cords so that it didn’t look like Spiderman was crawling down my wall. I ended up going with a box that hides the computer cords, and it actually looks pretty neat. I got it on Amazon, and it was totally worth every penny. I then decided to go into Best Buy and take a look around, and I came out with a cordless mouse and a cordless computer monitor. I’m finally on my way of untangling my life!

The second problem (which is still a problem) is my printer. It is the elephant in the room, literally. You know I had to have the one that copies, scans, faxes (I don’t even have a phone line), prints pictures (I wonder if that even works?), and of course do my laundry. It lost it’s home too when the camera monitor was left homeless. Unfortunately for the printer, no one would take it in, so it is still sitting on my office floor.

And For the Record, Bloggers Do Work Hard!

If you had any idea how much work was put into this post, you would likely be asking yourself why on earth I wasted my time. I mean, I had to dust my office, windex my desk, swiffer my floor, de-clutter my desk, remove my dog from the room (along with his bed and blankets), and I had to get my iPhone out and take a few pictures. I even lit my mahogany teakwood candle. My readers may not be able to smell it, but it makes my office complete!

Are You Ready To See My New Work Blog Space?

Where On Earth is the Faux Fur Rug?

But the Faux Fur rug is not in the photo Melissa, why? Well, I had to remove it so that it could be cleaned. It has become my dog’s favorite place to lay (yes, even before his own bed), and it was starting to look dingy. So here is a recent photo (that’s my Dad) where the rug can partially be seen under the 60 pound boxer.

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Anxiety Health

My New Life With Anxiety | Take 2

by Melissa November 28, 2018

Because I cannot possibly explain my road to anxiety in one post, I saved the rest for this post. The last post is where it began, this post is where it exploded!

I ended My New Life With Anxiety post in March 2016, just after my son had his Jaw surgery.

Wires and Smoothies and Soup Through a Straw

He had his mouth wired shut for 6 weeks. This was the most difficult time of my life, not just as a parent, but my entire life!

He could not eat anything unless it could go through a straw. He lost nearly 20 pounds that he did not have to lose. I learned something about my son during this horrifying ordeal; he is a fighter! He got through this better than any adult I know could have.

When he finally had his surgery to remove the wires, the first thing he wanted was mom’s homemade sausage gravy and biscuits. God love him, I made it, and he learned that his jaw was still too sore to chew! Could he catch a break already?!

We Have Made it to Late April 2016

During this time, I began having chest pain/tightness, tingling in my left arm, and I had no idea what the hell was going on. I finally made a doctor’s appointment, and this is when I was diagnosed with anxiety.

A week or so later, I had a panic attack, and drove myself to the emergency room at 11 o’clock at night while my husband and children were sleeping! They tried to send me home because they knew it was anxiety, but I insisted that unless they did some tests to tell me that my heart was ok, only then would I accept it as anxiety. They fulfilled my request, and I left the hospital knowing that I was perfectly healthy (except for the fact that my chest hurt and my arm tingled and I had panic attacks).

I Finally Went to the Doctor For Medication – June 2017

Last summer, I finally decided it was time to take the plunge into the world of medication. I do not like taking any type of medicine unless it is Advil. I was scared to death, but my anxiety was taking over.

By the time I arrived for my appointment, I decided I did not want medicine. I told my doctor that I wanted to try and control it on my own. Let’s see how that turned out…

Fast Forward to October of 2018 (October 8th to be exact)

My dad has been living in Florida since he retired in 2008. He had bought a home several years before his retirement, and looked forward to living in sunshine and freedom.

He had a visit to Ohio planned, and he arrived on October 8th, 2018. He stopped in Pennsylvania the weekend before to attend a wedding where his cousin took him to an urgent care center due to severe stomach pain. He was advised to go to the emergency room, but he declined and said that he would have his daughter take him when he arrived to Ohio.

He was here for 15 minutes, and I took him to the ER. After several days in the hospital and a biopsy, my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer, and it is not curable. I did not write about this on Be Electrifying because it deserved it’s own blog where I could keep track of his condition, and also to hopefully help other families suffering from the disease. If you’re interested in reading about it, you can find it here.

I mention this because it was the final straw for my anxiety. I went back to my doctor on this past Monday, and got a prescription for my anxiety. When I finally decide to take the medicine (I know, I know) I will update you on any progress. For now, please keep my father in your prayers.

If you are trying to help someone who suffers from anxiety, take a look at the top gifts for anxiety. You never know, it might just help!

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Anxiety Health

My New Life With Anxiety

by Melissa November 28, 2018

I have never shared my anxiety story before, and I decided that it was time to share my health anxiety with my readers.

Why not? I mean, I am still human, I am still sane, I am still a mother and a wife, I just have anxiety.

When It All Started

Let’s go back to November of 2015…

I broke my foot (first broken bone in my life), and it was just after Thanksgiving. Terrible timing right?

I am not the right person to have a broken foot. I am not joking when I say that asking someone for help is the absolute last thing I want to do (hmmm… and I have anxiety?). My children were waiting on me, my husband was waiting on me. Many moms may have enjoyed all the attention, and maybe for a day it was nice, it allowed me more time for self-pity, but when I was over it, I was really over it.

At any rate, the holidays were sneaking up on me, so I put a boot on and did what I had to do. I was pretty sure that this was the one thing I could not delegate.

Eventually, I was back on both feet again and back to normal.

Moving on to January of 2016…

It was late afternoon, I was getting ready to go the grocery store (literally walking to my car), and I felt this immediate abdominal pain. I suffer from ovary pains at times, but this was that times 100. It was so unbearable that I literally did not think I could make it back into the house. The only person home was my son, who was 18 at the time.

The pain was so bad that I told him to take me to the emergency room. Now, most of my readers do not know me on a personal level, but for me to go to the ER, it must mean that I am having a baby!

We got to the car, and by this point, my hands were beginning to curl up. I can’t really explain it any better than that. My fingers kept trying to close, and the only way I could keep my hands open was to hold my fingers. We are en-route to the ER, and I could hardly speak, and I would have swore my jaw was sagging. I honestly thought I was having a stroke, and I am not trying to make this sound any worse than what it really was. The closest ER is only about 2 miles away, and when we arrived, we realized that it is no longer an ER. They converted the entire facility into a rehab facility! Now, we are 10-15 minutes away from an emergency room, which at the time seemed like eternity!

I was so terrified that I told him to call 911, and have them meet us back at the house. He did, and they were pulling up just as we headed back down our street.

They put me in the ambulance and checked my vitals. Of course asked me if I was a drug user, sigh… I know they were just doing their jobs! As it turns out, I was hyperventilating due to the severe pain that I was in (which had begun to subside by this point and I hadn’t even realized it because I was so frantic). I was advised to make an appointment with my doctor to figure out the source of my abdominal pain.

Without going into a long story on that, it turns out that I had a ruptured cyst!

This was not the only time this happened, and it took 3-4 times before I learned to control my breathing so that I did not hyperventilate.

Now we are in late February of 2016…

It was 4:30 pm. My phone rang, and it was my son. He was 18 at the time, and he had taken my nephew (he was 14) with him to play basketball at the Y.

Phone Conversation…

Son… MOM! I think my jaw is broken.

Me… What do you mean you think your jaw is broken?

Son… My face is swelling and I can’t move my jaw.

Me… Where are you?

Son… Driving

Me… Come home right now!

Son… I have to take Brock home first

Me… Absolutely not! I will have Aunt Jackie come pick him up. Are you ok to drive? Do you want me to come get you?

Son… No, I’ll be home in a few minutes

Me… Ok, be careful but hurry up (wait, that doesn’t make sense!

So, here is the story:

Austin and Brock were playing basketball. I think they called it 1 on 1, where Austin was playing on one court with another boy, and Brock was on another.

The boy Austin was playing against got angry because Austin blocked him. When Austin turned with the ball, the kid sucker punched him from the side. He didn’t even know what hit him.

Off to the ER

I took him to the emergency room, and they did an x-ray of his jaw. It was definitely broken, but there was nothing the hospital could do. He had to see a plastic surgeon!

It took two days to get in touch with the surgeon that we were referred to by the hospital. I looked him up, and found that he was one of the best in the area. By the time I spoke with someone from his office, it was nearing 3pm on a Friday, and the lady I spoke to said she could get him in by the end of next week!

I was in shock. I begged her to get him in sooner. I explained that he cannot even move his jaw! She was very friendly and told me that she would call me back.

Within 15 minutes, she called me back. She said that she spoke with the surgeon, and he asked if we could be there at 5:30 pm that day! She said that his last appointment is at 4:45pm, but that he said he would stay in order to see my son. I was so ecstatic.

Off to The Plastic Surgeon’s

We met with the doctor. He reviewed Austin’s x-rays and did his own evaluation. He then broke the news that Austin would need jaw surgery, and that his mouth would be wired shut for at least 4 weeks!

I was in total denial. I was so angry that all I wanted to do was contact the kid’s mother who punched my son and ask what kind of an animal she is raising. Here I am with my son who cannot eat, and will now be sipping from a straw for 4 weeks while her son is probably home playing video games and eating pizza!

There was no way out. Surgery was the only option.

The Jaw Surgery

This may have been the most terrifying day of my life. My son has never been keen on IV’s. In fact, he panics so it is always a problem for the nurse who is trying to give the IV.

He had also never had anesthesia. I was so terrified of him being allergic to it that I literally had to remove myself from the room. My husband stayed in with him while I tried to get my shit together.

The surgery went well (it was outpatient), and now we are home. They gave us a pair of sterile scissors in the event that we had an emergency and the emergency personnel had to cut the wires. Austin’s state of mind was very scary, so I hid the scissors from him.

He felt so sick to his stomach from the anesthesia and pain pills that he felt like he was going to get sick. He was so worried about choking on his own vomit because he could not open his mouth AT ALL!

There was literally enough room to fit a straw… NOTHING ELSE!

He ended up needing the wires in his mouth for 6 weeks. Prior to the broken jaw, he was a healthy and fit 18 year old. He worked out at the gym, played basketball almost every day, and had a very nice build at 5′ 10″ tall. He weighed a fit 183 before surgery. At the end of this horrific time in his life, he came out of it weighing only 161 pounds. It took nearly a year for him to get back to his original weight.

He still has a numb spot on his chin, and the doctor says that it may be there forever due to a damaged nerve.

We’re not done yet. It is now March 2016 (literally about a week after Austin had his jaw surgery

I was in the middle of making a smoothie for Austin when my phone rang. It was my 15 year old daughter, Brooke.

She was calling me from inside of an ambulance! She was in a car accident, and the car was totaled. Her friend slid on a patch of ice and the car completely rolled over. All of the windows were busted out, but she was so calm when she spoke to me!

I went into panic mode! I have to feed Austin but I have to get down to Children’s Hospital NOW.

Luckily, she came out of it with minor injuries. The doctor told her that she must have had an angel on her shoulder.

How Did I Not Have a Breakdown?

I know you won’t believe me, but there is more. I will save it for another post. Subscribe to keep updated on my trials and tribulations of life!

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Health Smoking

I Quit Smoking… Follow Along as I Share Every Dreadful Moment

by Melissa September 5, 2018

Wow! I can’t believe I said it out loud. “I quit smoking”.

I started smoking when I was 21 years old. Thanks to the graduation from being 20 to the legal age of 21, I started the bar scene with my best friend who smoked, and the next thing you know, it’s 23 years later.

It’s so fascinating how a cigarette can take hold of you. The only times I could control my cravings were when I knew that it was not just affecting me (when I was pregnant with both of my children). It’s funny how I really believed that then. I knew that everything I put in my body would transfer to my unborn child, and for that reason I was able to quit smoking throughout both of my pregnancies. I even breast fed for months afterwards without smoking. But guess what? As soon as I knew it was safe, and the kids no longer lived off of what I was putting in my body, I lit a cigarette.

What I did not realize then is that it WAS affecting them, and everyone else that I love. As I got older, I realized that it was no longer about what I wanted, it was about what I needed. And what I need is to be healthy for my children, my husband, and later on in life when I am blessed with grandchildren.

I don’t want to be that haggard old lady with a smoker’s cough and yellow teeth. Even worse, I don’t want to be that woman on the television commercial begging me to quit smoking, or risk ending up like her.

Last week, my husband and I were in the car when I looked over and saw a woman who was probably in her mid 50’s, although she could have passed for 60, smoking a cigarette. And I mean taking long drags of it like it was going to vanish before she could get another hit. I realized right then how disgusting the habit is in every way.

That day, I decided to choose my quit date. I have been thinking about quitting for a couple of years now, but I always find an excuse as to why it’s not a good time.

Not wanting to say good-bye to my best friend too soon, I chose September 24th as my quit day.

I know what you’re thinking: “But wait? I thought you said you already quit? Today is only the 5th?”

I DID! I woke up the morning of September 4th, which was a Tuesday, I made coffee and went down to put a load of laundry in while my coffee was brewing. By the time I got back upstairs, I realized how hard I was breathing from that simple task. I am an otherwise healthy woman. I am not overweight, and I am fairly active.

I poured a cup off coffee, got the dog, and we headed outside for a cigarette (I never smoke in the house).

I sat down in my chair, opened up the flap on my cigarettes, and I saw 3 cigarettes were left in the pack.

So I asked myself: If I can’t breathe after putting laundry in, and I already chose a quit date, why would I continue buying cigarettes? Just to get to my quit date? It made absolutely no sense. I lit a cigarette, took 4 or 5 hits, and on the last one I said good bye to my best friend of 23 years.

As I write this, it has been 31 hours since I smoked that last cigarette. The pack with 2 lonely cigarettes has remained on the counter since yesterday morning, and I can honestly say that I have yet to even think about lighting one. It’s like I flipped the switch in my brain.

I do know that it will get harder before it gets easier, and from everything I’ve read, I just need to get through the first week or two.

The reason I decided to share this with you was to make myself accountable to someone other than me. As soon as this is published, I expect my readers to comment and ask me how I am hanging in there. This way, I have no choice but to do what I set out to do, and that is to live a healthier lifestyle starting NOW!

If you would like to go on this journey with me, please enter your email address and subscribe so that you are notified every time I post something new.

I plan to keep all of you updated of the ups and downs of my new life of being a non-smoker.

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Candles Lifestyle Reviews

My Home Smells Like Abercrombie & Fitch and I Love It

by Melissa January 29, 2018

There is something to be said about burning candles, and if I must admit it, I am addicted to burning candles. I love everything about them. Not only do they smell fantastic when you walk in the door, they look so charming when lit in the evenings.

Like many other things in my life, I like what I like, so many times I will not stray from my favorites.

The Perfect Gift For Me – A Candle That Smells Like Abercrombie

This past Christmas, my daughter’s boyfriend gave me a gift basket, and included in this basket was a 3-wick candle called Mahogany Teakwood High Intensity. He was looking for gifts for hard to buy for females, and he was right on target!

I was reluctant to burn it for the simple fact that it was so far away from the scents that I am used to.

My Mahogany Teakwood Review

I knew he was coming over, so I decided to light it a few hours before. After it was burning for a while, my husband came home from work, and as soon as he walked in the door he said “that is the best smelling candle you’ve ever bought”. How about that? All of the money I spend on candles, and the one I received as a gift is my husbands favorite.

It’s Exactly What the Abercrombie Store Smells Like

It’s like walking into Abercrombie & Fitch. You can light just this candle, and it will make your whole house smell wonderful.

It Has an Expensive Look to It

Aside from my candle addiction, I also love a clean look to my home decor, and the color and design of this candle looks somewhat expensive, not like some of the cheaper candles that you may purchase at Walmart.

So, here it is the end of January, and I am onto my 3rd Mahogany Teakwood candle. I have one left, so I guess it’s time to order a new supply. I work from home, so my candles are burning all day long. If you are only burning candles for a few hours a day, one candle should last you a few weeks or longer.

The burn time is approximately 25-45 hours, and don’t forget to trim your wicks before every burn.

If you are interested in a candle that smells like Abercrombie, you can buy it on Amazon here.

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