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Lifestyle

Anxiety Health

Suffering From Misophonia Is Real

by Melissa December 2, 2018

It started years ago when I had a “real job” as a Human Resource Director in the healthcare industry and one of my co-workers had a really bad habit…

Click!

Herb, stop clicking your pen… PLEASE!

Click!

Herb, you’re driving me crazy, please stop clicking your pen!

And on, and on, and on!

See, he thought it was funny because frankly, I think that he though I was just being an ass. In reality though, I literally could not concentrate when all I could hear was CLICK!

At the time, I too thought that maybe I was just being an ass hole. I mean, I was not the only other person who could hear it, but for some reason, I was the only person asking him to STOP.

The only way to summarize it is to say that I wanted to stab Herb’s eyeballs out with the pen. This was just one of the many things that put me in overdrive.

Anxiety Triggers

Other triggers include:

— When someone sitting near me is bouncing their leg. I don’t know how else to describe it. I consider it a nervous reaction when someone is not comfortable with their environment or current situation, but all I want to do is put a ton of bricks on their knee to hold their leg down.

— A continuous beeping noise. A great example is the television when the emergency broadcast system does a test. Make it stop already!

— My husbands breathing when he sleeps. I am not joking when I say that I have actually considered sleeping in a separate room. Add this to my health anxiety and it’s all I can do to stop myself from holding his nose (you know I mean this only so he’ll breathe through his mouth, right?).

I could go on and on with different things that make me want to bang my head against the wall (or someone else’s).

I later learned after reading an article that it is a condition known as Misophonia.

I know what you’re thinking, “I hate some of those things too but I don’t have Misophonia”. There are many things that people dislike to an extent, but they are able to easily dismiss them. Me on the other hand, it’s like sending me through the gates of Hell. To top it off, it really messes with my already out of control anxiety!

I seriously cannot drown them out. I lose any concentration that I may have had (which at best was very little), and all I can focus on is the sound of the pen, the beeping, or the shaking of the floor as someone bounces their leg.

Just recently, my husband and I went to our cabin for a couple of days, which most of the time I truly enjoy. This trip however was quite different. I mentioned in a previous post about my Dad being newly diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, so this aggravated my anxiety to an extreme.

I thought that getting away to our quite place in the country would calm my nerves. Boy was I wrong.

First, my husband has an infinite number of alarm clocks in the cabin (he is an avid hunter, so he has to make sure that he gets up, and what better way to make sure of that than to have 100 alarm clocks in the event that 99 of them quit working). I’m exaggerating of course, but I woke up in the middle of the night to the TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK…

I honestly thought about going and sleeping in the car. It was absolutely miserable!

I have never been officially diagnosed, but I am confident that my self-diagnosis is right on target!

The unfortunate thing is that there is no cure for Misophonia, so I just try to find coping mechanisms which is nearly impossible without wearing ear plugs 24/7.

If you have Misophonia triggers that make you feel like putting yourself in a bubble and praying that it never pops, I’d love to hear your story!

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My 3 Day Hiatus – Or Was It Depression?

by Melissa February 12, 2019

For three days straight, I never moved from the couch unless it was absolutely necessary, and even then, the thought literally made me nauseous… literally. I cannot remember ever feeling such utter exhaustion even when I had to care for newborns.

Dad’s Lung Cancer Diagnosis

As you may know, I lost my father to lung cancer on December 29, 2018. He was diagnosed on October 17, 2019, and from that moment on, my life was turned upside down with so many emotions that it would be hard to put them into words.

My Journal

I did try however, and you can read all about this very difficult time on the blog that I created for my family, as well as any other family who may be going through something similar.

I named it Lung Cancer Battle, and that is exactly what it was.

Let’s Break It Down Further:

Caring For Dad

October 17th, 2018 through December 29, 2018

Until December 29, 2018, which was the day he passed, my father lived with my family, and I was his caregiver. I did everything in my power to care for him the best way I knew how, never worrying about my own health (mental or physical).

I was (and I still am) so very thankful that I have they type of job (blogger and digital marketing consultant) that allowed me to work out of my home at any hour. This allowed me to take him on every single doctor’s appointment, every chemotherapy treatment, and of course, every emergency room visit.

In between these visits I was managing his prescription medication, feeding him (or at least fighting with him to eat), waking up at night every time I heard a noise, and most importantly, being a prisoner in my home right along with my father. I could not leave him alone, and my husband and children were at work and school every day.

Eventually, I had to take care of his bills after he lost the ability to use his hands. That was minor, but add to that his inability to get up from a sitting position without help, and this is when everything began tumbling down for both of us.

I am 5’2″ and 115 pounds, and my father was 5’10”, 160 pounds (towards the end). Think of it as if you had to lift someone that size without any help from them whatsoever. It’s like lifting dead weight. I tried, and finally we got to the point that I could not longer do it as he had lost every ounce of strength that he had left.

This is when I had no choice but to tell my father what we both knew was inevitable:

Dad, we have to face the music…

He knew what that meant, so we both agreed that in the morning, we would head to the emergency room (for what would be the last time). My sister and her boyfriend came over, as there was no way that I would get Dad down the stairs, through the house, down more stairs, and then outside and into the car.

We got Dad to the car safely and took him to the emergency room. This is when I knew that something wasn’t right. Low and behold, we would later find out that the cancer had spread to his brain. He was in the hospital for almost a week, and was then discharged to a physical therapy center where he spent 2 weeks.

At the end of those 2 weeks, I had to make a choice as his power-of-attorney. I spoke with the doctors at the therapy center, and then I phoned his oncologist. I had to make the hardest decision of my life, and that was to bring my father home under Hospice.

I took everything out of my home office and hospice brought a hospital bed and other necessities that we would need to care for Dad at home. It was the only room in the house that would not require the use of stairs.

It was the last day that I would ever have a conversation with my father. By the next morning, he was completely bedridden, and could not speak. It is the most devastating thing that I have ever had to go through, and we lost him a week later.

Planning Dad’s Service

December 30, 2018

Losing someone as close to you as your own father really shows the inner strength that you never knew you had, and may never have again.

The day after my father passed, I was off to the funeral home to make arrangements. Remember, my father lived in Florida, and was only here because he came up for a visit in October. Obviously, he had every intention of returning to his home.

I learned from the funeral director that I would need my fathers social security card, and I also needed his military papers (DD-214) if I wanted to honor him as a veteran (and of course I would not have had it any other way).

Trip to Florida

December 31, 2018

Obviously, as stated above, I had to get my father’s important documents before I could even put him to rest. On New Years Eve morning, my husband and I and both of our kids all jumped in the car and off to Florida we went.

We spent several days there going through my dad’s important papers, and also packing up some of his things that we could bring back with us. This included his prized possession (and no, it wasn’t his brand new Cadillac that he bought earlier in the year, that was already at my home because he drove it here in October), which is a 1950 Ford F-1 pickup truck that he had been restoring. It was his favorite hobby in the winter months when the weather did not permit daily laps in the pool.

Once everything that we could fit in the truck was packed up and loaded, and the car trailer was hooked up with dad’s Ford on it so that we could bring it home to Ohio, we headed back for Dad’s service.

Dad’s Service

January 9, 2019

Today was dad’s service, and it was beautiful. I put a lot of passion in it as I always do, and I went through every last photo to make sure that I did not miss someone that was important to my father.

Afterwards, I went home, and I sat, and I sat, and I sat some more for almost a full day.

Put the House Back in Order

January 11, 2019

For the past 3 months, my life had revolved around caring for my Dad, and I would not have wanted it any other way. Because of this, my house had been neglected. I dusted, I swept, I did laundry and a few miscellaneous cleaning chores, but for the most part, everything else was put on the back burner. Hell, I didn’t even have my Christmas tree up until December 23rd.

I finally removed all traces of Christmas from my home. The tree came down, the lights, the decorations, and the packages that were still huddled under the tree.

I also put my office back together, which was a very difficult thing for me to do, as it was almost like I was really saying good-bye to my father. As I type this right now I can almost feel his presence, and I love it. He felt comfortable in this room, as he spent a lot of time in my office with me while I worked before it was made into Dad’s room. There is actually a photo in this post of my Dad sitting in my office while I worked, a little over a month after his diagnosis.

A Solo Trip to Florida

January 23, 2019 – January 26, 2019

I had to head back to Florida to take care of some of my father’s business, and this time, I went alone. I felt so anxious the days leading up to my flight, but I completely surprised myself. I had “almost” zero anxiety, even when I was at Dad’s house by myself. I almost needed that time. Time alone, but time alone with my Dad. It was peaceful, and it gave me a chance to enjoy everything about Florida that led my Dad there almost 10 years ago.

You can read about my car rental disaster here.

While everyone in Ohio was suffering sub-zero temperatures, I was sitting by the pool in a tank top and shorts. I can totally see why he loved it there so much!

My 3 Day Hiatus

February 2, 2019 – February 4, 2019

Crash!!!

Almost 4 months after it all began, it all came crashing down.

I woke up on February 2nd and could not get out of bed. Let me say that again, I could not get out of bed!

I woke up on February 3rd and could not get out of bed. Let me… (ok, you get it).

I woke up on February 4th, and could not get out of bed. … Today though, I called the doctor. On this day, I decided that enough was enough.

Laundry was piling up, dishes were piling up, and I really just hated how I felt. I was nauseous, had a severe headache, and I was so weak that going up the stairs was a serious chore.

I picked myself up from the couch (I decided that it was better than being in bed all day), I crawled up the stairs and into the shower, I put my wet hair in a bun, and I went to my doctor’s appointment looking like something out of a zombie movie.

My doctor was already aware of my father’s lung cancer, as I had just been there to see him a couple months before when I finally decided that I need something for my anxiety (something that I never took!).

He told me that I may be depressed. He was not diagnosing me with depression, but he said that I had reached my limit mentally, physically, and emotionally to the point that I had wore my body down. He told me that I had to give myself time to grieve, and looking at the timeline above, grieving did not fit in to the schedule.

He had me get some blood work done while I was there, and sure enough, 2 days later I find out that my iron level was dangerously low, and I now have anemia on my health record.

I truly never realized how much I was wearing myself down because I was so hyper-focused on taking care of my father. That is what was important. That is what I cared about, and it was all that I cared about.

Now, I have to start caring for myself. This post is the beginning of a new time. I am going to grieve my father, and if you have read some of my recent posts, you will see that I am beginning to do that… FINALLY!

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Business Lifestyle

I’m Free at Last | Oh Happy Day!

by Melissa March 1, 2019

My regular readers (yes, you’re still important even if you’re not one of them) know that I have owned and operated a seasonal restaurant for the past 5 years (long, long years).

How It All Began

It has been a wild ride that began as a discussion, and ended up being the most stressful 5 years of my life. I am not exaggerating. My kids were not “grown” yet (wait, they’re not grown now), but they were at an age that they did not require constant supervision (my son was 17 and my daughter was 14). Add the husband in the mix, and you get a total of 3 kids that did not require “constant” supervision.

And the Years Went By…

We opened in March every year and closed early October.

Year 1

The first year, I never had a day off for 7 months. I worked Monday-Sunday from 10:00am – 8:30pm every single day of the week. But wait, that doesn’t include the time spent shopping for the restaurant. I think it would be fair to say that I worked a minimum of 75 hours every week for 7 months in that first year.

Year 2

The second year I got smart. I chose the slowest day of the week, which was Sunday (I know, it’s weird but it’s true), and I closed. I took a day off fully intending on enjoying every minute of Sunday every week. Well, you probably guessed that with 2 kids and husband, that is not at all what happened. I spent Sundays cleaning house, doing laundry, going to the grocery store, and cooking dinner. I should not complain about the cooking dinner part. I mean it was the only day of the week that I cooked (at least at home).

Year 3

By year three, I was a pro. I learned to manage my time, and was able to get my work-week down to around 60 hours per week. I was also the thinnest I had been since my children were small, and it wasn’t what one would call a “healthy” thin. My cheeks were sunk in and I looked like a child on most days. I began feeling less like a woman and more like a slave (with bad hair, brittle nails, and my hands looked like I was 80).

Year 4

Year four I decided to make a change. I recruited my sister to work one or two nights per week for me so I could take a little time to myself. I know, it sounds luxurious doesn’t it? Well, it really wasn’t. I left at 4pm, got home by 4:30, showered by 5:00, off to the grocery store by 5:45 to attempt a home-cooked meal, and I still had to be back at the restaurant by 8:00 to close. I might have been better off just staying at the restaurant.

Year 5

By year five I was DONE. I mean DONE. I had my fill of being the owner of a small restaurant, and I decided to put the business up for sale.

TODAY WE CLOSED ON THE SALE!

Finally, after a year (almost to the day), the sale of our business closed, and I handed the keys over to my realtor. What a feeling. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am to not have to wear a bun in my hair for 7 months! I’m ecstatic to finally enjoy a summer again.

But you know what the best part is?

You guys won’t have to wait so long for me to post! Aren’t you excited. I can continue working from home on my blog and my digital marketing business. I don’t have to be a grown up anymore!

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Blogging Home Home Office

I Renovated My Home Office… Well, My Blogging Room

by Melissa December 1, 2018

home office renovation ideas Being a blogger, more specifically a full time blogger like me, where I work (ok, blog) is just as important as if I were going to the office. I mean let’s face it, it’s difficult to concentrate buried under a mound of clutter, particularly when that clutter is in a dark dungeon. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but that’s how I felt about my home office before the renovation. Go ahead, take a look at the picture, it’s real!

It was dark (my husband chose the paint color years ago), it had Berber carpet (he chose that too) which I actually hate more than the color of the paint if that’s even possible , and it was C L U T T E R E D!

Unfortunately, I took this picture after removing much of the clutter, but you can still get a good idea of the poor conditions I was working in!

So, I Had to Make a Change – and Fast!

The first step was choosing a paint color, but good Lord how could I choose a modern paint color with that horrific carpet that he forced me to have installed a century ago – it was so ugly! I complained about it for a couple of days, and then…

To my surprise, he said, and I quote:

Babe, just go pick out some new carpet and we’ll have it installed.

I was over-the-moon, but there was one little problem; I didn’t want new carpet. I wanted a new floor! He loves me, he loves me not. Well, he loves me because he agreed that we could get the bamboo flooring that I had already been researching (shhh, don’t tell). He has a friend who lays flooring for a living, so the biggest expense was the flooring itself.

I chose a gray bamboo floor, and before he could change his mind, I went and purchased as many bundles as I needed to cover the area. I checked with our floor guy first to make sure that I had measured and calculated properly, and would you believe that I did it right? Maybe I should become a floor guy. Nah, I’ll stick to blogging.

Finally, I Could Pick Out My Paint Color

I went to Home Depot and chose several swatches (do they still call them that?) so that I could bring them home and get everyone’s opinion. I was going to try and keep this decision from my husband, I mean after all, look what I ended up with last time he tried to help me redecorate. To my surprise, he and my daughter both loved the color I chose, so there, everyone’s happy (my 20 year old son could really care less).

I chose a light gray (I think it was called metal white or something like that), and I had this vision of orange statement pieces to add some color, I just had no idea what that looked like yet.

Wait, Now I Need New Furniture

What you can’t see in the photo above are the sitting chairs that I had. Granted they were modern, and very cute, they were too dark for the room. Maybe had the walls been a very light taupe I could have kept them, but really it was just a good excuse to get new ones!

I also had too much furniture which did not help with the cluttered look. My glass desk had an attached piece that made it like an L shape, which was practical, just not for my small space. I decided to remove the attached piece of my desk and also the glass bookshelf (it’s sole purpose was collecting dust and “stuff” that couldn’t find a home).

I was officially on my way to a brighter workspace, and new furniture as an added bonus (my husband just didn’t know about that part yet).

I decided on these cute orange sitting chairs, and I found them online here. They’re not IKEA, but hey, I’m on a bloggers budget.

Hold On, the Desk That I Removed Was Home to the Monitor for Our Security Cameras, Now What?

So, the desk was too large for the room, after all, the whole idea of the remodel was to have a cleaner, more updated workspace. Now I have nowhere to put the TV monitor. I didn’t want to move it to another room due to the fact that I am home alone all day, and believe it or not, us bloggers do spend A LOT of time at our computers. I rely on the TV monitor when someone knocks on the door, or just in general so I know what is going on outside of my little world.

Problem solved… I found a cute console table that would look perfect in my new office, and that is where I put the TV monitor. I also bought some cute boxes, paper trays and binders from The Container Store so I could hide all my junk, and I put those on the bottom shelf of my new table!

Lights, Camera, Wait, We Need a New Light?

Believe it or not, I was pretty happy with the light that I had in my office, but my husband insisted we go shopping for a new one. Wait, did I just say that I was happy with something old staying in my brand new bloggers cave? You’re right, I must have been feeling guilty about the new floor.

We shopped and shopped for a new ceiling light, and when I found the one I wanted, it was one of those times where you just knew. You knew that there would not be another light on the face of this earth that would look better hanging from the ceiling right above my head. I mean after all, how often am I looking up while writing all of these blog posts unless I am having a meltdown about what to write about next? I think I just found my new blog post. Yeah, I’ll write about the daily meltdowns I have trying to please all of my readers so they don’t go running for the hills.

I Was Finished, Or Was I?

Once the walls were painted, the floor was laid (I even got new trim (I think it’s called trim?) on the baseboards), the light was hung (hung, hanged, who cares?), the chairs and console table were assembled, the junk was stuffed in the new light gray boxes, but something was missing.

I’m a blogger, so I have to have a white faux fur rug, right?

Isn’t that a requirement for posting pictures on social media? I’m sure it is, but all I know is that I wanted one. I couldn’t stop there because then I thought how cute it would look if I bought a faux fur table runner for the top of my desk so my computer monitor has a soft cozy resting place.

I’m Finally Satisfied… Well, Almost!

I had two problems remaining:

The first one, which is a HUGE problem when you’re a blogger, was the amount of cords. I have so many cords that my blogger’s den is a fire hazard. From the Blue Yeti microphone cords (you know, for all of those Podcasts I do – yawn) to the speakers, mouse (yes, I still had a cord attached to my mouse), monitor, cable box, oh my lord I am getting stressed out just thinking about it.

So, I went in search for a computer cable organizer. Something that would hide my cords so that it didn’t look like Spiderman was crawling down my wall. I ended up going with a box that hides the computer cords, and it actually looks pretty neat. I got it on Amazon, and it was totally worth every penny. I then decided to go into Best Buy and take a look around, and I came out with a cordless mouse and a cordless computer monitor. I’m finally on my way of untangling my life!

The second problem (which is still a problem) is my printer. It is the elephant in the room, literally. You know I had to have the one that copies, scans, faxes (I don’t even have a phone line), prints pictures (I wonder if that even works?), and of course do my laundry. It lost it’s home too when the camera monitor was left homeless. Unfortunately for the printer, no one would take it in, so it is still sitting on my office floor.

And For the Record, Bloggers Do Work Hard!

If you had any idea how much work was put into this post, you would likely be asking yourself why on earth I wasted my time. I mean, I had to dust my office, windex my desk, swiffer my floor, de-clutter my desk, remove my dog from the room (along with his bed and blankets), and I had to get my iPhone out and take a few pictures. I even lit my mahogany teakwood candle. My readers may not be able to smell it, but it makes my office complete!

Are You Ready To See My New Work Blog Space?

orange sitting chairs

my faux fur table runner

console table for home office

LED Ceiling Light For Home Office

home office renovation before

home office renovation after

Where On Earth is the Faux Fur Rug?

But the Faux Fur rug is not in the photo Melissa, why? Well, I had to remove it so that it could be cleaned. It has become my dog’s favorite place to lay (yes, even before his own bed), and it was starting to look dingy. So here is a recent photo (that’s my Dad) where the rug can partially be seen under the 60 pound boxer.

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Anxiety Health

My New Life With Anxiety

by Melissa November 28, 2018

I have never shared my anxiety story before, and I decided that it was time to share my health anxiety with my readers.

Why not? I mean, I am still human, I am still sane, I am still a mother and a wife, I just have anxiety.

When It All Started

Let’s go back to November of 2015…

I broke my foot (first broken bone in my life), and it was just after Thanksgiving. Terrible timing right?

I am not the right person to have a broken foot. I am not joking when I say that asking someone for help is the absolute last thing I want to do (hmmm… and I have anxiety?). My children were waiting on me, my husband was waiting on me. Many moms may have enjoyed all the attention, and maybe for a day it was nice, it allowed me more time for self-pity, but when I was over it, I was really over it.

At any rate, the holidays were sneaking up on me, so I put a boot on and did what I had to do. I was pretty sure that this was the one thing I could not delegate.

Eventually, I was back on both feet again and back to normal.

Moving on to January of 2016…

It was late afternoon, I was getting ready to go the grocery store (literally walking to my car), and I felt this immediate abdominal pain. I suffer from ovary pains at times, but this was that times 100. It was so unbearable that I literally did not think I could make it back into the house. The only person home was my son, who was 18 at the time.

The pain was so bad that I told him to take me to the emergency room. Now, most of my readers do not know me on a personal level, but for me to go to the ER, it must mean that I am having a baby!

We got to the car, and by this point, my hands were beginning to curl up. I can’t really explain it any better than that. My fingers kept trying to close, and the only way I could keep my hands open was to hold my fingers. We are en-route to the ER, and I could hardly speak, and I would have swore my jaw was sagging. I honestly thought I was having a stroke, and I am not trying to make this sound any worse than what it really was. The closest ER is only about 2 miles away, and when we arrived, we realized that it is no longer an ER. They converted the entire facility into a rehab facility! Now, we are 10-15 minutes away from an emergency room, which at the time seemed like eternity!

I was so terrified that I told him to call 911, and have them meet us back at the house. He did, and they were pulling up just as we headed back down our street.

They put me in the ambulance and checked my vitals. Of course asked me if I was a drug user, sigh… I know they were just doing their jobs! As it turns out, I was hyperventilating due to the severe pain that I was in (which had begun to subside by this point and I hadn’t even realized it because I was so frantic). I was advised to make an appointment with my doctor to figure out the source of my abdominal pain.

Without going into a long story on that, it turns out that I had a ruptured cyst!

This was not the only time this happened, and it took 3-4 times before I learned to control my breathing so that I did not hyperventilate.

Now we are in late February of 2016…

It was 4:30 pm. My phone rang, and it was my son. He was 18 at the time, and he had taken my nephew (he was 14) with him to play basketball at the Y.

Phone Conversation…

Son… MOM! I think my jaw is broken.

Me… What do you mean you think your jaw is broken?

Son… My face is swelling and I can’t move my jaw.

Me… Where are you?

Son… Driving

Me… Come home right now!

Son… I have to take Brock home first

Me… Absolutely not! I will have Aunt Jackie come pick him up. Are you ok to drive? Do you want me to come get you?

Son… No, I’ll be home in a few minutes

Me… Ok, be careful but hurry up (wait, that doesn’t make sense!

So, here is the story:

Austin and Brock were playing basketball. I think they called it 1 on 1, where Austin was playing on one court with another boy, and Brock was on another.

The boy Austin was playing against got angry because Austin blocked him. When Austin turned with the ball, the kid sucker punched him from the side. He didn’t even know what hit him.

Off to the ER

I took him to the emergency room, and they did an x-ray of his jaw. It was definitely broken, but there was nothing the hospital could do. He had to see a plastic surgeon!

It took two days to get in touch with the surgeon that we were referred to by the hospital. I looked him up, and found that he was one of the best in the area. By the time I spoke with someone from his office, it was nearing 3pm on a Friday, and the lady I spoke to said she could get him in by the end of next week!

I was in shock. I begged her to get him in sooner. I explained that he cannot even move his jaw! She was very friendly and told me that she would call me back.

Within 15 minutes, she called me back. She said that she spoke with the surgeon, and he asked if we could be there at 5:30 pm that day! She said that his last appointment is at 4:45pm, but that he said he would stay in order to see my son. I was so ecstatic.

Off to The Plastic Surgeon’s

We met with the doctor. He reviewed Austin’s x-rays and did his own evaluation. He then broke the news that Austin would need jaw surgery, and that his mouth would be wired shut for at least 4 weeks!

I was in total denial. I was so angry that all I wanted to do was contact the kid’s mother who punched my son and ask what kind of an animal she is raising. Here I am with my son who cannot eat, and will now be sipping from a straw for 4 weeks while her son is probably home playing video games and eating pizza!

There was no way out. Surgery was the only option.

The Jaw Surgery

This may have been the most terrifying day of my life. My son has never been keen on IV’s. In fact, he panics so it is always a problem for the nurse who is trying to give the IV.

He had also never had anesthesia. I was so terrified of him being allergic to it that I literally had to remove myself from the room. My husband stayed in with him while I tried to get my shit together.

The surgery went well (it was outpatient), and now we are home. They gave us a pair of sterile scissors in the event that we had an emergency and the emergency personnel had to cut the wires. Austin’s state of mind was very scary, so I hid the scissors from him.

He felt so sick to his stomach from the anesthesia and pain pills that he felt like he was going to get sick. He was so worried about choking on his own vomit because he could not open his mouth AT ALL!

There was literally enough room to fit a straw… NOTHING ELSE!

He ended up needing the wires in his mouth for 6 weeks. Prior to the broken jaw, he was a healthy and fit 18 year old. He worked out at the gym, played basketball almost every day, and had a very nice build at 5′ 10″ tall. He weighed a fit 183 before surgery. At the end of this horrific time in his life, he came out of it weighing only 161 pounds. It took nearly a year for him to get back to his original weight.

He still has a numb spot on his chin, and the doctor says that it may be there forever due to a damaged nerve.

We’re not done yet. It is now March 2016 (literally about a week after Austin had his jaw surgery

I was in the middle of making a smoothie for Austin when my phone rang. It was my 15 year old daughter, Brooke.

She was calling me from inside of an ambulance! She was in a car accident, and the car was totaled. Her friend slid on a patch of ice and the car completely rolled over. All of the windows were busted out, but she was so calm when she spoke to me!

I went into panic mode! I have to feed Austin but I have to get down to Children’s Hospital NOW.

Luckily, she came out of it with minor injuries. The doctor told her that she must have had an angel on her shoulder.

How Did I Not Have a Breakdown?

I know you won’t believe me, but there is more. I will save it for another post. Subscribe to keep updated on my trials and tribulations of life!

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Candles Lifestyle Reviews

My Home Smells Like Abercrombie & Fitch and I Love It

by Melissa January 29, 2018

There is something to be said about burning candles, and if I must admit it, I am addicted to burning candles. I love everything about them. Not only do they smell fantastic when you walk in the door, they look so charming when lit in the evenings.

Like many other things in my life, I like what I like, so many times I will not stray from my favorites.

The Perfect Gift For Me – A Candle That Smells Like Abercrombie

This past Christmas, my daughter’s boyfriend gave me a gift basket, and included in this basket was a 3-wick candle called Mahogany Teakwood High Intensity. He was looking for gifts for hard to buy for females, and he was right on target!

I was reluctant to burn it for the simple fact that it was so far away from the scents that I am used to.

My Mahogany Teakwood Review

I knew he was coming over, so I decided to light it a few hours before. After it was burning for a while, my husband came home from work, and as soon as he walked in the door he said “that is the best smelling candle you’ve ever bought”. How about that? All of the money I spend on candles, and the one I received as a gift is my husbands favorite.

It’s Exactly What the Abercrombie Store Smells Like

It’s like walking into Abercrombie & Fitch. You can light just this candle, and it will make your whole house smell wonderful.

It Has an Expensive Look to It

Aside from my candle addiction, I also love a clean look to my home decor, and the color and design of this candle looks somewhat expensive, not like some of the cheaper candles that you may purchase at Walmart.

So, here it is the end of January, and I am onto my 3rd Mahogany Teakwood candle. I have one left, so I guess it’s time to order a new supply. I work from home, so my candles are burning all day long. If you are only burning candles for a few hours a day, one candle should last you a few weeks or longer.

The burn time is approximately 25-45 hours, and don’t forget to trim your wicks before every burn.

If you are interested in a candle that smells like Abercrombie, you can buy it on Amazon here.

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Lifestyle

Things I’ve Learned In My 45 Years

by Melissa June 22, 2019

Happy Birthday! Oh, wait, it’s my birthday today, not yours (or is it?). Today I turn 45 years old. Twenty years ago I dreaded the thought of turning 30. In fact, turning 30 was the hardest birthday of all. I’m not really sure why, but I can remember crying and being a complete basket case when I hit that number.

But now, I feel blessed at 45. I have my children, my husband, my health, my career, my dog, and of course family and friends. Oh, and I have you guys, my loyal readers and greatest motivators!

Here are 45 Things That I Have Learned in the Past 45 Years In No Particular Order

Say I Love You
Floss (every day)
Clean the dishwasher filter or it will break
Never leave clothes in the wash overnight
Learn how to cook before you have kids
Go on more vacations as a family
Don’t be shy – shy people don’t exist in today’s society
Read more non-fiction than fiction
Don’t do shots
Remove toxic people from your life
Visit with your parents as much as you can
Cut up the strawberries or they will mold in the container
Eat an avocado every day
Take care of your skin – you don’t get another chance
Dust the baseboards at least once a month
Buy a good sweeper – don’t be cheap, it doesn’t pay
Own a pet
Face your fears
Take more pictures with your kids instead of just taking pictures of your kids
Start a blog or keep a journal (or both)
Use a dryer sheet to clean your shower doors
Start saving money when you’re young (like just out of the womb)
Don’t buy a restaurant unless it can run without you
Do your Christmas shopping before November (I’m still trying to learn this one)
Do the dishes while you’re cooking, not after
Use fresh vegetables
Don’t smoke that first cigarette
Grow your own basil and parsley
Fill up before you run out of gas
Don’t wait until your birthday to get your car tags renewed (yep, that’s me)
Install hardwood floors, not carpet
Learn to take criticism
You can be a parent and then a friend, but never the opposite
Hug your spouse at least once a day
Never leave food on the counter when you have a boxer
Don’t put things in the basement that you don’t use – get rid of them
Never use cheap dish soap – Dawn is the only way to go
Research companies before you rent a car
Keep an address book (no, like a real one, not one on your phone)
When you fail, get back up and try harder
Don’t be judgemental, we’re all dealing with something
You are who you run with
Freeze leftovers
Use root concealer between salon visits
Crate your dog. PERIOD.

I hope you enjoyed this list, and I would love to read your life lessons. Comment below on what valuable lessons you have learned in life.

Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay beautiful.

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Anxiety

What Is the Difference Between Anxiety Attacks and Panic Attacks

by Melissa December 12, 2018

First of all, let’s get one thing straight right off the rip. Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are two entirely different things.

How can I say with such certainty? Because I suffer from them both.

I used to be the person (before I truly had a panic disorder) that would say I was having a panic attack without any regard to what it actually meant. I think that many people do. Something makes them feel anxious, and they blurt out that they are going to have a panic attack.

Now, I feel completely offended when I hear someone make that statement. I know, it’s ridiculous, but the utter fear that comes with a real panic attack cannot be explained, and frankly, is not really funny to someone with an anxiety and/or panic disorder.

How Is an Anxiety Attack Different From a Panic Attack?

Both have very similar symptoms, such as:

fear
a racing heart
chest pain (the kind that makes you feel the need to go to the emergency room)
trouble breathing
a feeling of not being able to swallow
sweating and hot flashes
numbness and tingling (this was one of my first symptoms of true anxiety)

Anxiety Attack Symptoms

extreme worry
restlessness (this can lead to a panic attack-especially in the middle of the night)
fear (this can also lead to a panic attack)

Panic Attack Symptoms

A panic attack has almost all of the same symptoms as an anxiety attack, but also has a few that are not present with anxiety. They are:

The fear of dying or losing control.

What does this mean? You may be thinking that we all have a fear of dying, and while that may be true, it is something completely different.

An example of this (one of my own uncontrollable fears (phobias)) is when I am on the highway. If I have to drive between concrete barriers, I feel as if I am trapped on the highway, and that there is no way out. I’m literally stuck with no exit ramp, and no way to get away from the situation. The intense worry many times will lead to a panic attack, particularly when I have to go more than one or two miles between these concrete walls, or if I know that there is no exit ramp in the next mile or so.

Another example would be something regarding my health, even if it has nothing to do with my health. I once tried a new face cream. I applied it, put my makeup on, and left the house to run some errands. My daughter was with me at the time who is aware of my severe anxiety. We drove about 3 miles, and I felt my face burning and felt like I couldn’t swallow. I asked my daughter if my face was red, and she calmly stated “no mom, you’re fine”. So what was the problem? I am terrified of being allergic to something (another phobia), and since I used a new face cream, it led to severe fear and anxiety, which led me to a panic attack.

Another symptom that is different from an anxiety attack is the fear of losing control.

My family has been dealing with a lot lately, and not long after learning of my fathers lung cancer diagnosis, we lost my husbands grandmother. On the way to the funeral, I felt the panic attack coming, like literally within seconds. I got so hot that I rolled my window all the way down (it’s pretty cold in Ohio in November). I told my husband “I think I need to go to the emergency room”.

Now, you may be thinking that if I know I have panic attacks, why can’t I just train my brain to know this? The answer is, sometimes I can, but most of the time the fear takes over, and I begin to feel like I’m losing control. On this particular day and during my panic attack, all I could think was that I would end up in a psychiatric hospital. There was absolutely no reason for me to go into panic mode (or to think that I would end up in a psychiatric hospital). In fact, there never is. It is an unnatural fear (or phobia) that I simply cannot control.

When I am not having an attack, I know how ridiculous this is, but it’s really hard to control your mind when anxiety and fear takes over.

What can you do to control anxiety and panic attacks?

There are natural things that you can do without getting a prescription from your doctor, and those include:

Limit your caffeine intake. I always keep this in mind when I know I will be driving, and I never drink anything with caffeine in the evening. My first panic attack that happened on the highway was after I drank almost an entire Starbucks Latte` within a short period of time during a road trip that my daughter and I took a few years back.
Limit your alcohol intake. This will enhance your anxiety symptoms.
If you smoke, STOP! Nicotine increases your blood pressure and your heart rate, and trust me, you don’t need your heart rate beating any faster than normal because it will make you feel like you are having an anxiety attack. Full disclosure: when you stop smoking, it will make you more anxious for the first couple weeks, but trust me, if you stay the course, you will notice an improvement with your anxiety symptoms.
Exercise – although this sounds cliche`, being more active does help with anxiety.
I know that driving is just a part of life, but I always try to figure out my route before I leave the house. There are certain highways that I know I should stay away from, particularly if there is construction going on.
Driving over bridges is a big fear for me. Honestly, I think this started when Hillary Clinton was running for president, and a large part of her campaign was making bridges stronger. This led me to an uncontrollable fear of being on a bridge and having it collapse. What I do now is make sure that I am breathing correctly. The reason for that is I finally realized that I would hold my breath while driving over a bridge, and this led to an almost instant panic attack.

Will I Have Panic Attacks Just Because I Have Anxiety?

The simple answer is no, although people who suffer from an anxiety disorder are more likely to suffer from panic attacks.

Learn what your triggers are, and try to find ways to control them.

When I wake up in the middle of the night, most times I immediately begin feeling anxious. I know that if it goes on too long, I will have a panic attack. Sometimes I just get up. I’ll get up and do something to get my mind off of whatever it is that is worrying me, and when I feel a little better, I go back to bed. If I’m too tired, or sometimes I’m too anxious to leave my bed, I’ll turn on my white noise machine, and many times this does help.

I do have a prescription for my anxiety, but unfortunately, my anxiety won’t allow me to begin taking it.

I also have a prescription for insomnia, and I do sometimes take one of those before bed. Believe it or not, this usually helps my anxiety as well. I get a good nights sleep and feel pretty good the next day.

You may be wondering why I am able to take the insomnia pill, but not the pill to help my anxiety.

There is an answer for that, and one that you likely will not understand, but it’s called anxiety for a reason.

The reason is this: I know that if I take the pill for anxiety, I have to take it every single day, and it is a long-term drug. One of my uncontrollable fears (yes, yet another phobia) is that I will become addicted to something. The pill for insomnia on the other hand is something that I only take when needed, or not at all, and my doctor encouraged me to take this drug particularly because it is not addictive, and of course, he is aware that addiction is one of my biggest fears. Even typing this right now makes me wonder what you are thinking as you read this post. You may be thinking that I am an addict in another sense, and because of this, I worry about addiction. Well, that is absolutely not true. The only thing in my life that I was addicted to was cigarettes, and if you haven’t read my quit smoking post, I quit on September 4, 2018 and never looked back (well, I looked but I never touched another cigarette)! I have never even tried a drug, let alone become addicted to it.

If you would like to read more about how my anxiety began, I wrote about it in this post.

If you think you are suffering from an anxiety or panic disorder, talk to your doctor about your symptoms, and he or she can help you decide what the best treatment plan is for your particular situation. Just because someone else does or does not take medication for their anxiety, does not mean that it will be the case for you. Everyone is different, and for this reason, you should take advantage of your doctor.

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Family GIFT IDEAS Gifts For Pool Lovers Home Lifestyle

Hands Down the Best Floating Waterproof Bluetooth Speaker

by Melissa February 9, 2019

All About the Floating Bluetooth Speaker

In April, 2017, I gave my dad a floating bluetooth speaker for his birthday. He loved music like most love television. I can remember when I was younger, he always had the stereo on during the day, and I followed in his footsteps. I would much prefer to listen to music than watch TV, especially if I’m outside, but even more so if I’m in a pool.

When I was 19, my Dad had a pool installed, and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. We lived in Ohio, so the months were limited to how often we could enjoy it, but I can tell you one thing, there was always someone in that pool during the summertime, and there was always music playing.

Once Dad retired, he sold his home in Ohio, and moved to the home he bought in Florida which has a beautiful in ground pool. If you were to go visit him, I can guarantee you that he would be in or near the pool, and the music would be playing from the stereo system he set up outside at the pool.

In recent years, he finally upgraded from the old “flip phone” to a smartphone. He began to experiment with different apps for sports and such, but as far as music, he still relied on his subscription to SiriusXM. He had it in his car, and he had it for his home, specifically for the pool area.

I can remember a conversation with my Dad where he complained that if he wanted to change the station, he had to get out of the pool. I wasn’t sure what I could do about that, but kept it in the back of my mind.

The Best Birthday Gift Ever Had Been Discovered

One day, my daughter and I were at Sam’s Club, and it happened to be right after I received an email from the website that I had ordered Dad’s birthday gift from. He was a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan, and I ordered him a neon light for the pool area. The email was notifying me that the product I ordered was out of stock, and they would be refunding my credit card.

Below is a screenshot of the email in case you were curious.

It was perfect timing really. My dad was one of the hardest people to buy for. He always went out and got something if he wanted it, so finding something that he wanted or needed was difficult.

This is why it was perfect that I found something that he needed and would want, he just didn’t know it yet.

Bring on the Floating Bluetooth Waterproof Speaker

As soon as my daughter and I saw the display of speakers, we both spoke at the same time.

This would be perfect for Grandpa!

So of course, we bought it without hesitation.

I have not seen it again at Sam’s Club, but you can get it on Amazon here, and it is very reasonably priced. The perfect gift for the hard to buy for pool lovers in your life!

Dad came up to Ohio for a visit, so my daughter got the speaker set up for him to use from his phone. She installed Pandora, and he was in heaven.

He sat outside and played music from his Bluetooth speaker, and I knew right then that it may have just been the best gift I had ever given him. This may be one of the most unique gifts for men who have everything because it is not something that they would likely go out and purchase on their own.

It’s all he talked about, even after he returned home to Florida.

Dad In the Pool With His Floating Bluetooth Speaker

A week or so later, I received a text from Dad with this photo attached! He’s showing off his floating bluetooth speaker in action! I love this photo of my Dad. He worked hard all of his life to finally be able to retire to sunny Florida, even if it was only for 9 years.

best floating waterproof bluetooth speaker

I called him, and he raved about how he could change the station on his phone app right from the bluetooth speaker, all while floating in the pool!

When he came home in October (his final visit), he brought the speaker with him, and I have had it ever since.

I miss you Dad, but I am using your Bluetooth speaker at this very moment, and I wish you were here to listen to Thunder Road with me!

[amazon_link asins=’B01G5W7M5W,B00B80JV2O,B0728454M3,B00MCJZUIE,B073WMYP6M,B071J53VGT,B01HGZVHEE’ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’beelectrifying-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’51257daa-e3d1-477f-b9a2-9d714dbd18e4′]

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Anxiety Health

My New Life With Anxiety | Take 2

by Melissa November 28, 2018

Because I cannot possibly explain my road to anxiety in one post, I saved the rest for this post. The last post is where it began, this post is where it exploded!

I ended My New Life With Anxiety post in March 2016, just after my son had his Jaw surgery.

Wires and Smoothies and Soup Through a Straw

He had his mouth wired shut for 6 weeks. This was the most difficult time of my life, not just as a parent, but my entire life!

He could not eat anything unless it could go through a straw. He lost nearly 20 pounds that he did not have to lose. I learned something about my son during this horrifying ordeal; he is a fighter! He got through this better than any adult I know could have.

When he finally had his surgery to remove the wires, the first thing he wanted was mom’s homemade sausage gravy and biscuits. God love him, I made it, and he learned that his jaw was still too sore to chew! Could he catch a break already?!

We Have Made it to Late April 2016

During this time, I began having chest pain/tightness, tingling in my left arm, and I had no idea what the hell was going on. I finally made a doctor’s appointment, and this is when I was diagnosed with anxiety.

A week or so later, I had a panic attack, and drove myself to the emergency room at 11 o’clock at night while my husband and children were sleeping! They tried to send me home because they knew it was anxiety, but I insisted that unless they did some tests to tell me that my heart was ok, only then would I accept it as anxiety. They fulfilled my request, and I left the hospital knowing that I was perfectly healthy (except for the fact that my chest hurt and my arm tingled and I had panic attacks).

I Finally Went to the Doctor For Medication – June 2017

Last summer, I finally decided it was time to take the plunge into the world of medication. I do not like taking any type of medicine unless it is Advil. I was scared to death, but my anxiety was taking over.

By the time I arrived for my appointment, I decided I did not want medicine. I told my doctor that I wanted to try and control it on my own. Let’s see how that turned out…

Fast Forward to October of 2018 (October 8th to be exact)

My dad has been living in Florida since he retired in 2008. He had bought a home several years before his retirement, and looked forward to living in sunshine and freedom.

He had a visit to Ohio planned, and he arrived on October 8th, 2018. He stopped in Pennsylvania the weekend before to attend a wedding where his cousin took him to an urgent care center due to severe stomach pain. He was advised to go to the emergency room, but he declined and said that he would have his daughter take him when he arrived to Ohio.

He was here for 15 minutes, and I took him to the ER. After several days in the hospital and a biopsy, my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer, and it is not curable. I did not write about this on Be Electrifying because it deserved it’s own blog where I could keep track of his condition, and also to hopefully help other families suffering from the disease. If you’re interested in reading about it, you can find it here.

I mention this because it was the final straw for my anxiety. I went back to my doctor on this past Monday, and got a prescription for my anxiety. When I finally decide to take the medicine (I know, I know) I will update you on any progress. For now, please keep my father in your prayers.

If you are trying to help someone who suffers from anxiety, take a look at the top gifts for anxiety. You never know, it might just help!

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