This page was originally written back in 2017, during a very different season of my life. With so many changes, growth, and lessons learned since then, I decided it was time to rewrite it — not for who I was then, but for who I am today.
Beauty in the Beginning
I’ve always been infatuated with beauty. Not just the kind you see in the mirror, but in everything that surrounds me — a well-kept home, the glow of confidence in someone’s eyes, the quiet pride in taking care of what you love.
When I was in school, I guess you could say I was one of the “popular kids,” but I was always very bashful. To many, that probably came across as conceited, though the truth was I walked the halls with my head down, deathly afraid to make eye contact with anyone. Beauty was always a part of my life, whether I realized it at the time or not.
Pressure, Perception, and Insecurity
I’ve spoken before of my maternal grandmother, who many would have called “vain.” I don’t consider myself vain in that conceited sense, but I’ve always cared too much about what people think, and because of that, I cared deeply about my appearance AT ALL TIMES.
I was on the homecoming court multiple years in high school, which created even more pressure to be “pretty,” because I never truly saw myself that way. Years later, my daughter saw a photo of me at my high school graduation party and said, “Mom, you were so pretty.” Yet I’ve never been able to accept a compliment without an awkward response.
A Shift in Perspective
I don’t really know where all of that came from. But today, at 51, things feel different. I still care about my appearance, but now I care for me — not for everyone else.
When I look nice, I feel confident, and that confidence has finally allowed me to come out from under the shell I sheltered myself with for so long.
Beauty Beyond the Mirror
For me, beauty isn’t just about lipstick and mascara. It’s about keeping up with my home, my car, my career, and my reputation.
It isn’t about being materialistic — it’s about care. I care about beauty, whether it’s skin deep or something that reaches far beyond the surface.
Growing Into Confidence
This past year has been like living an entire lifetime in one. I am a completely different person on the inside. I don’t worry as much about what others think of me — my appearance, my choices, or my life.
I do, however, still try to keep everything I love nice and beautiful. I finally respect who I am as a person.
A Deeper Appreciation of Life
I look at the wonderful children I’ve raised — one a commercial pilot, the other halfway through law school — and I see beauty in that too. My infatuation with beauty has matured into a deeper appreciation of life itself.
I’ve always been infatuated with beauty. Not just the kind you see in the mirror, but in everything that surrounds me — a well-kept home, the glow of confidence in someone’s eyes, the quiet pride in taking care of what you love.
Maybe that’s why I’ve always been infatuated with beauty — because it isn’t just about looking a certain way, but about living in a way that feels cared for, intentional, and confident. Beauty, for me, is respect. Respect for myself, for the life I’ve built, and for the people I love. And while I may never have all the answers as to why beauty has mattered so much to me, I do know this: my appreciation of it has grown into something far deeper than appearances. It’s become a reflection of who I am, and who I continue to become.
Beauty is so much more than what we see in the mirror. If you enjoyed this reflection, you might also like Life Change Through Fasting, where I share how small shifts led to big transformations in my health and confidence.